My first post in the month of July ! It’s been a challenging few weeks....I was told years ago that once you suffer from depression it will always be with you , it might lie low for periods of times even years , but then it can show up , like an unwanted guest .
My first experience with depression started when I was 19 years of age, maybe due to teenage bad choices and the fact that i stammered from a very early age. After the first episode I can comfortably say that it has always been with me at different stages of my life , where I soon learned to simply live with it, I knew that eventually it would disappear deep at the back of my mind until the next episode.
DEPRESSION for me is dark, I start breathing heavily, my chest is heavy with the feeling of having of having a ton of bricks on it , it’s holding me down making it difficult for me to breath , it is feeling sick all the time . With depression there is no making plans, your mind is numb , your body is numb , there is no thinking of what you are going to eat , there is no thinking of getting dressed or taking a shower . You are living in this dark bubble where there aren’t any solutions ....where the only emotion is numbness , you waste your days hiding , you become isolated , sometimes you don’t even open the door if the bell rings or you don’t answer your phone . All you wish , is for the feelings to disappear and close your eyes waiting for the next day , sometime you wish that there will be no next day ........ but you try hard to fight this feeling as you don’t want to hurt your loved ones . With depression I wake up with tears in my eyes , sometimes tears just roll down my face without even knowing what has triggered this off .
You come to the decision that you need medical help as you can feel that you are losing yourself and you become scared . In my case I started to take Duloxetine which is an anti depressant. This has helped a little , at least to take back some sort of control and to think that you can’t give up , you need to fight back ..... I owe it to my loved ones. Therefore depression has become a faithful companion that I try and manage and keep at bay the best as I can and try and hide it behind a smile and humour , and learned to be really good at it.
I have seen psychologist and used counselling in the past which has helped .
IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED PLEASE SEEK HELP FROM YOUR GP OR OTHER ORGANISATIONS DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE. ANY MEDICATION MENTIONED IS WHAT WAS PRESCRIBED TO MY PERSONAL MEDICAL NEEDS .
DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE
Depression is definitely not for the faint of heart. I applaud you for being so strong!
ReplyDeleteThank you , I suppose I have had to become strong and learn to live with it , I’ll be honest especially in the winter months it is challenging, thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment M x
DeleteI can relate. I’ve been fighting depression since I was a child. I try to change my mindset when I can or when I notice I’m going down. It helps in that it keeps me functioning better but I’m still hurting inside. I’m glad you are talking about how it makes you feel that is a good coping strategy as well. Hugs 🤗
ReplyDeleteHi , thank you 🙏🏻 I think the more we talk about depression and raising awareness in can only be a positive thing . I remember years ago I wouldn’t have even though about letting my Gp know I was depressed , we were made to feel there was a stigma . But now we need to talk it might help people that aren’t able to open up . Much love M xo
DeleteI can relate. I fight this demon as well. It is exhausting. Keep writing. I think there are so many people who suffer and don't speak out. I hope that they come across something like your post and realize they have no reason to be ashamed and they are worth seeking help. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you . Yes I think it is time to speak out and raise awareness, it is okay not to be okay ! We all live with our masks on so that we don’t upset our children and family ... but we are allowed to speak when our masks come off .... let’s keep the conversation going ! Thank you again for taking the time to comment much love M x
DeleteDepression is a horrible, horrible thing. Its agony. Yoire fighting an internal war, and if you're a TYPE A, this its conflict at its finest.
ReplyDeleteSending you so much love for writing this. X
It is horrible and as you say it’s an internal war , you go to bed fighting it and you wake up for another day at war . And you fight .. you keep fighting while trying to maintain some sort of normality in front of people and your family . God bless and thank you for taking the time out to comment M x
DeleteDepression is definitely something you want to speak out about if you are experiencing. Thank you for sharing your experience.
ReplyDeleteYes for sure this is why I want to raise awareness especially in young people . I am so worried about young people today , if only we could shout the message out that it’s ok not to be ok and to talk .. start talking , to a person you trust , a family member , a friend , but let’s keep
ReplyDeleteTalking . Thank you for your comment I really appreciate it M x